The adventure starts with Baron Ludwig von Hendricks being summoned by Duke Gezerek of Thatis (old Karameikos). Gezerek tells Ludwig (who may or may not be a baron at this point in the story, I am not sure) that there have been raiders sinking ships off the coast. The duke thinks they may be Alphatians as there was a war between their countries a while back though they may come from somewhere else (he’s pretty clueless when it comes down to it). He asks the (maybe) Baron to infiltrate the raiders and figure it out. As for the rest of the party, I’m not really sure how we get there. Did we hang out with the Baron before? Are we just local hired awesomeness? Does it really matter? (answer: no)
Anyway we all head off to Pelon to find us some raiders. Eventually some dwarves in weird suppository-esque boats show up and attack the town and through a series of skill checks we manage to convince them that we want to be pirates like them. Given prevailing player attitudes, I’m not sure if any bluff checks were required for this “lie.” The suppository ships turn out to be submarines (someone suggests we name the ships the “subpositories,” which is made of awesome). The ship we’re on is crewed by the dwarf captain Braran, a halfling Malem, and a half elf Prime. The subpository takes us to the leader of the raiders, Morn, who hangs out in some islands to the south in a city built into white cliffs. We are taken to Morn who informs us the place is called the Shrouded Crags.Suddenly, asshole assassins leap out! We kill them! Morn thinks they were sent by the duke, but why would he do that if he sent us as well?
- Maybe he sent them for us to kill in order to convince Morn of our commitment. If so, why didn’t he tell us? Also, that is a really shitty thing to do to those poor assassins (Verdict: Duke Gezerek is an asshole)
- Maybe he’s trying to get rid of the maybe!Baron and is hedging his bets (Verdict: Duke Gezerek is an asshole)
- Maybe there is some enemy power we have yet to encounter who sent them? (Verdict: oh hell, Duke Gezerek is probably an asshole anyway, let’s continue with that one)
Morn tells the party that about 1 year ago the ruler of the duchy, lord Karameikos (enter the King) disappeared and Gezerek seized control and since then the region has made the transition from duchy to douchey. I uphold my earlier duke verdict. Anyway, in order to join up with the raiders we need to undergo some rite of passage thing. Seriously, killing several assassins wasn’t enough? How hard core are these guys? We take a subpository to a cavern where we’re supposed to clear out some dangerous monsters (krakatoans). The LAMEST BATTLE EVER ensues, in which most of the party spends most of their time just trying to get next to the bad guys (thanks swimming rules, I hate you!). After forever, we kill them.
The party then makes their way to a (non-underwater) cavern filled with krakatoans (who are actually supposed to be koa-tua and are now called krakatoons thanks to my penmanship on the initiative board). After a battle in which Brad and Heather/Beithe nearly die, we finally find King Stefan hanging out in the caves. He and the Baron share a manly embrace. Then there is a disgusting cake break. Damn you oreo cake and your treachery!
We cram everyone in the subpository and head out to a big fancy ship Morn sends to meet us, then back to Shrouded Crags. Unfortunately, Duke Gezerek has sent some ships to destroy the place as he quite enjoys being duke and is not ready to give it back to Stefan. The second lamest battle ever occurs as piranhas destroy the ship rudders and water combat continues to suck. Eventually Scott has them run away after we kill a few, THANK GOD. Seriously, I can’t take water combat anymore. Swimming rules are FAIL.
The party then has a conversation with Morn and (not yet) King Stefan who request they go and please kill that pesky Duke Gezerek now. Of course, the party has no problem with this. After a skill challenge the party makes its way into some tunnels or something under the Duke’s stronghold where they meet with the Duke and some of his allies (including the lamest wizard ever. I call hax on his blind every round powers). By meet with, I mean kill. Hooray, the LONGEST ONE-SHOT EVER is finally finished! Next week our regularly scheduled broadcast continues and I will no longer have to remember to be lawful good (chaotic ftw).